Work
Got to go to San Diego in Jan for an exhibition and sales meeting. San Diego is a lovely place, less crowded than San Fran. It's less busy with more chances to see the open sky and the weather is sunnier. This time, I extended another 4 nights F&E. Now my solo trips gets longer each time as I learned to enjoy the times alone aboard. I booked an Airbnb room and it's my first time staying in the same room as the owner. The owner is a kind single lady retiree who spends her time reading, teaching laughing yoga and volunteering. She loves to cook and she keeps her place spick-and- span. She loves art and moved to San Diego because of its Arts scene. It was a very pleasant stay with her. She made food for me and brought me to a play. The room was very cosy and I felt really comfortable and safe in her place. Her apartment was in the residential area so it can be a little quiet once the sun sets. I did not get to jog as I wanted too because of this reason. I got a pass that allowed me to spent the few days going to the famous San Diego Zoo, and the museums. There were 17 museums and I could not complete them in those 3 days. I spent another morning doing whale watching and it was really fruitful and worth it. Compared to my last 2 attempts to catch them in Australia, the probability of whale sightings were higher. Indeed, we caught the sight of a few whales and tons of dolphins.
Apart from trip for work, I also managed to go for the company incentive trip in Dubai.
It was my first trip with BL and also to Dubai. 5D4N. I almost stopped by Dubai during my honeymoon but they plan didn't go through. I'm glad I managed to visit this place 7 years later, which is a better plan. Why? Dubai is constantly constructing spectacular structures. We visited the famous Al Arab hotel and tooka helicopter ride to view the World and Palm man-made islands and visited the World's tallest building-The Burj Kahlifa. I guiltily rode on the poor camels and we also did the desert safari on the 4WD. Dubai is made up of 70% foreigners because setting up a business there is tax free. It's easier than getting alcohol there. The Prince of Dubai decided to develop Dubai as a tourist hub when he envisioned that oil supplies would be soon exhausted.
I started full-fledged sales this year but I was quite far from my targetted numbers and did not fare as well. One reason might be due to the competitive pricing offered by competitors, and reasons like new developing brands also plays a part. But I wasn't too affected because my pay is reasonable as I still have another job scope.
Family
The big good and big bad actually comes from here. As a Cancerian, family is on the top priority. Any changes actually affects us crabs a lot. How bad? Relationship with husband was bad, especially better Feb-April. When we spend time together, he doesn't talk to me much and there were 2 consecutive weekends, he threw his temper without me knowing what has happened. Talking didn't help because he is not someone who confronts, or talks. To me it has always been a guessing game. I eventually come to realise that if he is feeling sleepy, he gets irritated. He will walk in front and not stopping to wait for you, and treats you like you are transparent. It was bad. I felt depressed. I eventually lost my patience over him as well. I felt that we are just domestic partners. Before things were like that we were planning to try our last round of IVF. I merely wanted to give it a last round since we have leftover subsidy and just tell myself that I've tried my best and will not try anymore.
We did IVF and I got pregnant. During my initial pregnancy he was still a pretty insensitive and thoughtless. Perhaps it was because he did not see my bump yet. On my first ultrasound scan at around 7 weeks, I had my handbag and my laptop bag. I asked him to help me with my laptop bag and he was reluctant. Eventually he said "if this gets lost, its not my problem ah.." I was furious. I snatch the bag back and stormed off to the train station. We walked separately until we reached the clinic. He waited outside the clinic while I stayed inside. I decided to approach him to ask him to come in but I realised he left. I went into the room and did the scan. The emotional moment came when I finally saw the fetus with a little heartbeat. I was overwhelmed with happy and sad tears. Unbelievable to see a life form in my body and sad that my partner involved is not there to witness it.
First trimester was the worse because people don't know you are expecting, you can't do many things and you are always tired. You are not entitled to a seat on the train.
One day I was lying down in the room after coming home from work early. He came back, saw me lying on the bed and jokingly accused me of skiving. Went to wash up and went out of the room. Did not ask if I'm feeling alright. I was having a bad nose. I went up to him and ask him to pack food for me. I questioned him why he did not ask about me. He got fed up and ask him to give him a break as he just got back from work. I was upset and went on to cook rice and had canned food. He went running (despite being tired??). I felt that I had enough and really devastated. After dinner, I showered, quietly stayed in the room and started packing a small luggage, getting ready to leave for 3-4 days. I left quietly and took a cab to my parents. It was the first time in our marriage that I resorted to such measures. In my heart, I was prepared to be a single mum. I usually did not want to let my parents know that I'm upset with my marriage because I have a very protective father. I do not want them to worry nor upset them. I was also afraid that my dad would confront him one day. It's hard when both are alpha males. My dad sat me down and I poured out everything that I was displeased these 7.5 years. Well, he also did mentioned that people change. You can't be lovey dovey all the time. He said I watched to many K-dramas and I was being idealistic. I thought I would stay over for at least 3 nights, but seemed like after 2 nights I was already missing him. Throughout these 2 nights we did not exchange an messages at all. I knew he would not message me and I wasn't expecting it from him. I did not tell him where I went and he did not ask. Usually he would assume that I would be at my parent's. So on the 3 day, I texted him to ask him to buy dinner back for me and his reply was fast. I went home and he came back later. He talked to me like nothing has happened. However, he became more attentive to me. From then on, he treated me better. That was when I was 19 weeks pregnant. I guess you just have take desperate measures in desperate times.
IVF process
This time we went to NUH to seek a second opinion.
IVF in NUH is pretty different from SGH.
Facilities: NUH looks more grand whereas SGH looks more cozy
Staff: NUH seemed to have sufficient manpower and the staff looked more relaxed but the staff in SGH looked pretty stress, always rushing and occupied.
Service: First timers in NUH might be lost throughout the procedures. There different departments to go to and the process may seemed confusing. SGH nurses will remind you and teach you stage by stage what to do next, when to go for appointment etc.
Price: Surprisingly, NUH is came to be cheaper in their surgical procedures.
Procedures: NUH doc seemed to be more careful/kiasu. There were a lot more procedures, things to take/do.
Waiting time for actual procedure: There are more facilities in NUH, thus from the first appointment to IVF took us only about 4 months. in SGH we took about 7 months.
Before we embarked onto our IVF journey we went for a Bali trip. It's out second time to Bali and Bali is really THE place to go for private villas. However, there were lizard lurking on the ceiling above our bed and their droppings always land on the bed. I have to call in the rThe villa was a little smaller than the previous one we stayed. But it was nice nonetheless.
We were not as close as in the past in this trip and we did things alone except for having meals. He might be sunbathing and I would be in the room. If I'm swimming he would be watching DVDs. Finally on our last night I trashed out everything with him. I talked, and he listened attentively. It seemed like there was an improvement after the trip.
So this round of IVF did not seemed smooth. Hubs sperm samples were found to have infection and he had to take a course of antibiotics. The infection did not go away after one round and he had to be given another course of different antibiotics. I asked if he is really keen to go ahead, if not keen, let's drop the idea. He wanted to go ahead so we proceeded. In my heart, I was wondering why there were so many barriers this round, is it a sign to tell us we should not go ahead? As I'm not usually someone who stop something halfway, I went ahead. I did not want any regrets. So we gave our last shot.
The actual procedure happened after all my birthday celebrations. Oocyte collection yielded 9 oocytes, half of what was retrieved 3 years ago. Now I really believe age plays a big role in fertility.
After fertilization, it boils down to the final 2 that made it to my body. Then came the 2-weeks-wait (2ww). This would be the time when you get to rest at home; I was looking forward to break from work. I made plans on what to do at home and drew up a menu to cook for meals. It turned out that many times I craved for food that was posted on Instagram. Instead of cooping up at home, I called my parents out to eat Korean Fried Chicken. I went Museum hopping alone one day and the Arts Gallery another time with SP and her girl. I wasn't being very obedient to stick with hot drinks. I was doing things that might be a taboo to others.
Where the excitement started
My pregnancy test was conducted on 8 August. In my past 2 experiences, I started bleeding the just a few days before the test. This round, I wasn't expecting much either. But I felt an obvious change to my body. Painful breasts. This was something new to me, was it a sign of pregnancy? I waited for a day or 2 and decided to use the pregnancy test kit. There was a faint band and my heart got a little excited yet find it unbelievable. I tested again the next few days and the band got stronger.
I am still telling myself not to pin my hopes too high. Finally 8 August arrived and I received a congratulatory phone call from the hospital. Went down to the hospital on 10 August to settle stuff and was given guide books and prenatal packages were introduced to me. I was overwhelmed by all the information. Is this really going to happen to me? I wasn't really expecting it. I was a little scared at the same time.
IVF expectant mothers were supposed to go for Pro-luton injection twice weekly. It's an injection on the butt and it causes butt aches. Each injection costs $50 so you can imagine how much we have to choke up for the first 3 months just on that alone. I was fully aware that the first trimester is very unstable and I kept an open mind. I wasn't even prepared to tell my parents immediately but waited for the first month to be over.
Changes to my body
First Trimester
1.Gastric problems:
Did I puke non-stop? Nope. I did not really have morning sickness. I only vomitted twice. First was after a rough taxi ride to the west and the second time was induced because I was feeling sick. But that doesn't mean it was a breeze. I felt lethargic too. I had to take a nap after work without having dinner. My stomach was bloated with gas and every night I burped like 2 hours prior to sleep. I had no appetite and I was adverse to vegetables. When my hubby cooked vegetables, I had to put on a face mask. To think that I used to eat vegetables like a cow to grass. I craved for sour food. Other than that I tried to be as normal as possible. I had no restrictions to food because I hardly feel like eating. If I want to eat anything I would just go ahead. Having junk food is better than having no food.
2. Bleeding
Just when I thought that my pregnancy was pretty smooth and was getting a bit complacent and ready to announce, I bleed once after a meeting with my supplier in my office. It soaked up 1 or 2 pads and it was flowing down my thighs as I was walking towards the toilet. I got ALC to send me to PEH A&E and found a gynea who attended to me. Thankfully baby's heartbeat was still there and I was given a week of MC. Bleeding stopped after around 2 hours and never came back.
Second Trimester
1. Sinus:
Other than burping non-stop and food aversions, There was a period of time where my sinus is bad.
Nose was blocked for like a few weeks and I was breathing through my mouth.
2. Yeast and Bacterial Infections:
Yes, and it keeps coming back to haunt me. Having my 5th round of medication. It seems to only be under control under medication, and takes only 3-4 days to revisit me. The hormones changes the pH and upset the balance, creating opportunities for infections.
3. Piles:
So normally it's not uncommon to suffer from constipation and when that happen, you tend to push out other muscles in your rectum. No, that did not happen to me, I did not have constipation. I was pooping more than pre-pregnancy. 2-5 times a day. It's like I just have the feel whenever I go to the toilet. My rectum can only hold 1 meal worth of food. I think because of this bowel exercise, I suffered from prolapse twice. The pain was so bad that every little movement I make is really a pain in the ass. I was told that it will not go away completely until after labour because of pressure building up in the blood vessels, causing clots.
The thing about pregnancy is it lowers your immunity because your baby has to be accepted as part of your body, and when you fall sick the medication you can take is limited. So you just have to bite the bullet and let your body heal.
4. Breathlessness and giddiness
I could not catch my breath after taking a short flight of stairs or if I walked too fast. There was once when I was walking to work, I was feeling breathless, then my limps got weak and my vision was blurry. I knew that I would faint if I did not stop walking. I help onto a tree trunk for support and tried to catch my breath. After a while, I walked to the basketball court and took a seat to recover. Thankfully I managed to recover in a few minutes and made my way to work. My pilates instructor realised that I'm breathless and told me to learn to breath through my diaphragm. I practiced it and realised that it did help in my breathing.
5. Lack of Appetite
My taste buds have this bitter aftertaste after eating and my appetite did not recover to pre-pregnancy state. Although I do not have food aversions anymore, thinking about what to eat every meal gives me a headache. Nothing seems to appeal to me other than sweet stuff to overcome the bitter tongue. It may be a blessing that I've only gain 4 kg within 28 weeks. Baby is growing well though.
Travelling
USA, Dubai and Bali was mentioned. My last big trip for don't know how long is my trip to Russia with parents and SP. Planning the trip was a challenge because I was in my first trimester and I'm always tired after work. The bleeding episode on week 10 also made me wonder if I can proceed with my trip on week 13. My gynea, colleagues and in-laws weren't very pleased that I'm taking a 10-hour flight to such an exotic place. It was also deemed as a dangerous place rampant with pickpockets.
It turned out that it was a miracle that not only did we not have bad encounters, we felt safe walking at night and the people there were helpful. My lethargy went away and I was walking on the average of 10,000 steps everyday. I did not regain my appetite though so I did not really eat much. Moscow is a cosmopolitan city and St. Petersburg has prettier buildings. We caught the Swan Lake which originates from Russia and the theatre was beautiful. We also did some fine dining which turn out to be cheaper than that in Sg. Baby was fine throughout my trip. I think it was a trip that I needed because work was exhausting during Sept-Oct and I knew that by leaving Singapore would I be able to relax myself.
I'm not sure when my next entry will be. What will happen a year later with a new member in the family. Will life be better or worse? I'm looking forward yet anxious with my new life.
Apart from trip for work, I also managed to go for the company incentive trip in Dubai.
It was my first trip with BL and also to Dubai. 5D4N. I almost stopped by Dubai during my honeymoon but they plan didn't go through. I'm glad I managed to visit this place 7 years later, which is a better plan. Why? Dubai is constantly constructing spectacular structures. We visited the famous Al Arab hotel and tooka helicopter ride to view the World and Palm man-made islands and visited the World's tallest building-The Burj Kahlifa. I guiltily rode on the poor camels and we also did the desert safari on the 4WD. Dubai is made up of 70% foreigners because setting up a business there is tax free. It's easier than getting alcohol there. The Prince of Dubai decided to develop Dubai as a tourist hub when he envisioned that oil supplies would be soon exhausted.
I started full-fledged sales this year but I was quite far from my targetted numbers and did not fare as well. One reason might be due to the competitive pricing offered by competitors, and reasons like new developing brands also plays a part. But I wasn't too affected because my pay is reasonable as I still have another job scope.
Family
The big good and big bad actually comes from here. As a Cancerian, family is on the top priority. Any changes actually affects us crabs a lot. How bad? Relationship with husband was bad, especially better Feb-April. When we spend time together, he doesn't talk to me much and there were 2 consecutive weekends, he threw his temper without me knowing what has happened. Talking didn't help because he is not someone who confronts, or talks. To me it has always been a guessing game. I eventually come to realise that if he is feeling sleepy, he gets irritated. He will walk in front and not stopping to wait for you, and treats you like you are transparent. It was bad. I felt depressed. I eventually lost my patience over him as well. I felt that we are just domestic partners. Before things were like that we were planning to try our last round of IVF. I merely wanted to give it a last round since we have leftover subsidy and just tell myself that I've tried my best and will not try anymore.
We did IVF and I got pregnant. During my initial pregnancy he was still a pretty insensitive and thoughtless. Perhaps it was because he did not see my bump yet. On my first ultrasound scan at around 7 weeks, I had my handbag and my laptop bag. I asked him to help me with my laptop bag and he was reluctant. Eventually he said "if this gets lost, its not my problem ah.." I was furious. I snatch the bag back and stormed off to the train station. We walked separately until we reached the clinic. He waited outside the clinic while I stayed inside. I decided to approach him to ask him to come in but I realised he left. I went into the room and did the scan. The emotional moment came when I finally saw the fetus with a little heartbeat. I was overwhelmed with happy and sad tears. Unbelievable to see a life form in my body and sad that my partner involved is not there to witness it.
First trimester was the worse because people don't know you are expecting, you can't do many things and you are always tired. You are not entitled to a seat on the train.
One day I was lying down in the room after coming home from work early. He came back, saw me lying on the bed and jokingly accused me of skiving. Went to wash up and went out of the room. Did not ask if I'm feeling alright. I was having a bad nose. I went up to him and ask him to pack food for me. I questioned him why he did not ask about me. He got fed up and ask him to give him a break as he just got back from work. I was upset and went on to cook rice and had canned food. He went running (despite being tired??). I felt that I had enough and really devastated. After dinner, I showered, quietly stayed in the room and started packing a small luggage, getting ready to leave for 3-4 days. I left quietly and took a cab to my parents. It was the first time in our marriage that I resorted to such measures. In my heart, I was prepared to be a single mum. I usually did not want to let my parents know that I'm upset with my marriage because I have a very protective father. I do not want them to worry nor upset them. I was also afraid that my dad would confront him one day. It's hard when both are alpha males. My dad sat me down and I poured out everything that I was displeased these 7.5 years. Well, he also did mentioned that people change. You can't be lovey dovey all the time. He said I watched to many K-dramas and I was being idealistic. I thought I would stay over for at least 3 nights, but seemed like after 2 nights I was already missing him. Throughout these 2 nights we did not exchange an messages at all. I knew he would not message me and I wasn't expecting it from him. I did not tell him where I went and he did not ask. Usually he would assume that I would be at my parent's. So on the 3 day, I texted him to ask him to buy dinner back for me and his reply was fast. I went home and he came back later. He talked to me like nothing has happened. However, he became more attentive to me. From then on, he treated me better. That was when I was 19 weeks pregnant. I guess you just have take desperate measures in desperate times.
IVF process
This time we went to NUH to seek a second opinion.
IVF in NUH is pretty different from SGH.
Facilities: NUH looks more grand whereas SGH looks more cozy
Staff: NUH seemed to have sufficient manpower and the staff looked more relaxed but the staff in SGH looked pretty stress, always rushing and occupied.
Service: First timers in NUH might be lost throughout the procedures. There different departments to go to and the process may seemed confusing. SGH nurses will remind you and teach you stage by stage what to do next, when to go for appointment etc.
Price: Surprisingly, NUH is came to be cheaper in their surgical procedures.
Procedures: NUH doc seemed to be more careful/kiasu. There were a lot more procedures, things to take/do.
Waiting time for actual procedure: There are more facilities in NUH, thus from the first appointment to IVF took us only about 4 months. in SGH we took about 7 months.
Before we embarked onto our IVF journey we went for a Bali trip. It's out second time to Bali and Bali is really THE place to go for private villas. However, there were lizard lurking on the ceiling above our bed and their droppings always land on the bed. I have to call in the rThe villa was a little smaller than the previous one we stayed. But it was nice nonetheless.
We were not as close as in the past in this trip and we did things alone except for having meals. He might be sunbathing and I would be in the room. If I'm swimming he would be watching DVDs. Finally on our last night I trashed out everything with him. I talked, and he listened attentively. It seemed like there was an improvement after the trip.
So this round of IVF did not seemed smooth. Hubs sperm samples were found to have infection and he had to take a course of antibiotics. The infection did not go away after one round and he had to be given another course of different antibiotics. I asked if he is really keen to go ahead, if not keen, let's drop the idea. He wanted to go ahead so we proceeded. In my heart, I was wondering why there were so many barriers this round, is it a sign to tell us we should not go ahead? As I'm not usually someone who stop something halfway, I went ahead. I did not want any regrets. So we gave our last shot.
The actual procedure happened after all my birthday celebrations. Oocyte collection yielded 9 oocytes, half of what was retrieved 3 years ago. Now I really believe age plays a big role in fertility.
After fertilization, it boils down to the final 2 that made it to my body. Then came the 2-weeks-wait (2ww). This would be the time when you get to rest at home; I was looking forward to break from work. I made plans on what to do at home and drew up a menu to cook for meals. It turned out that many times I craved for food that was posted on Instagram. Instead of cooping up at home, I called my parents out to eat Korean Fried Chicken. I went Museum hopping alone one day and the Arts Gallery another time with SP and her girl. I wasn't being very obedient to stick with hot drinks. I was doing things that might be a taboo to others.
Where the excitement started
My pregnancy test was conducted on 8 August. In my past 2 experiences, I started bleeding the just a few days before the test. This round, I wasn't expecting much either. But I felt an obvious change to my body. Painful breasts. This was something new to me, was it a sign of pregnancy? I waited for a day or 2 and decided to use the pregnancy test kit. There was a faint band and my heart got a little excited yet find it unbelievable. I tested again the next few days and the band got stronger.
I am still telling myself not to pin my hopes too high. Finally 8 August arrived and I received a congratulatory phone call from the hospital. Went down to the hospital on 10 August to settle stuff and was given guide books and prenatal packages were introduced to me. I was overwhelmed by all the information. Is this really going to happen to me? I wasn't really expecting it. I was a little scared at the same time.
IVF expectant mothers were supposed to go for Pro-luton injection twice weekly. It's an injection on the butt and it causes butt aches. Each injection costs $50 so you can imagine how much we have to choke up for the first 3 months just on that alone. I was fully aware that the first trimester is very unstable and I kept an open mind. I wasn't even prepared to tell my parents immediately but waited for the first month to be over.
Changes to my body
First Trimester
1.Gastric problems:
Did I puke non-stop? Nope. I did not really have morning sickness. I only vomitted twice. First was after a rough taxi ride to the west and the second time was induced because I was feeling sick. But that doesn't mean it was a breeze. I felt lethargic too. I had to take a nap after work without having dinner. My stomach was bloated with gas and every night I burped like 2 hours prior to sleep. I had no appetite and I was adverse to vegetables. When my hubby cooked vegetables, I had to put on a face mask. To think that I used to eat vegetables like a cow to grass. I craved for sour food. Other than that I tried to be as normal as possible. I had no restrictions to food because I hardly feel like eating. If I want to eat anything I would just go ahead. Having junk food is better than having no food.
2. Bleeding
Just when I thought that my pregnancy was pretty smooth and was getting a bit complacent and ready to announce, I bleed once after a meeting with my supplier in my office. It soaked up 1 or 2 pads and it was flowing down my thighs as I was walking towards the toilet. I got ALC to send me to PEH A&E and found a gynea who attended to me. Thankfully baby's heartbeat was still there and I was given a week of MC. Bleeding stopped after around 2 hours and never came back.
Second Trimester
1. Sinus:
Other than burping non-stop and food aversions, There was a period of time where my sinus is bad.
Nose was blocked for like a few weeks and I was breathing through my mouth.
2. Yeast and Bacterial Infections:
Yes, and it keeps coming back to haunt me. Having my 5th round of medication. It seems to only be under control under medication, and takes only 3-4 days to revisit me. The hormones changes the pH and upset the balance, creating opportunities for infections.
3. Piles:
So normally it's not uncommon to suffer from constipation and when that happen, you tend to push out other muscles in your rectum. No, that did not happen to me, I did not have constipation. I was pooping more than pre-pregnancy. 2-5 times a day. It's like I just have the feel whenever I go to the toilet. My rectum can only hold 1 meal worth of food. I think because of this bowel exercise, I suffered from prolapse twice. The pain was so bad that every little movement I make is really a pain in the ass. I was told that it will not go away completely until after labour because of pressure building up in the blood vessels, causing clots.
The thing about pregnancy is it lowers your immunity because your baby has to be accepted as part of your body, and when you fall sick the medication you can take is limited. So you just have to bite the bullet and let your body heal.
4. Breathlessness and giddiness
I could not catch my breath after taking a short flight of stairs or if I walked too fast. There was once when I was walking to work, I was feeling breathless, then my limps got weak and my vision was blurry. I knew that I would faint if I did not stop walking. I help onto a tree trunk for support and tried to catch my breath. After a while, I walked to the basketball court and took a seat to recover. Thankfully I managed to recover in a few minutes and made my way to work. My pilates instructor realised that I'm breathless and told me to learn to breath through my diaphragm. I practiced it and realised that it did help in my breathing.
5. Lack of Appetite
My taste buds have this bitter aftertaste after eating and my appetite did not recover to pre-pregnancy state. Although I do not have food aversions anymore, thinking about what to eat every meal gives me a headache. Nothing seems to appeal to me other than sweet stuff to overcome the bitter tongue. It may be a blessing that I've only gain 4 kg within 28 weeks. Baby is growing well though.
Travelling
USA, Dubai and Bali was mentioned. My last big trip for don't know how long is my trip to Russia with parents and SP. Planning the trip was a challenge because I was in my first trimester and I'm always tired after work. The bleeding episode on week 10 also made me wonder if I can proceed with my trip on week 13. My gynea, colleagues and in-laws weren't very pleased that I'm taking a 10-hour flight to such an exotic place. It was also deemed as a dangerous place rampant with pickpockets.
It turned out that it was a miracle that not only did we not have bad encounters, we felt safe walking at night and the people there were helpful. My lethargy went away and I was walking on the average of 10,000 steps everyday. I did not regain my appetite though so I did not really eat much. Moscow is a cosmopolitan city and St. Petersburg has prettier buildings. We caught the Swan Lake which originates from Russia and the theatre was beautiful. We also did some fine dining which turn out to be cheaper than that in Sg. Baby was fine throughout my trip. I think it was a trip that I needed because work was exhausting during Sept-Oct and I knew that by leaving Singapore would I be able to relax myself.
I'm not sure when my next entry will be. What will happen a year later with a new member in the family. Will life be better or worse? I'm looking forward yet anxious with my new life.
